Unpretending

"People who pretend have pretend relationships."
~Mike Yaconelli

One of my least favorite things about being a minister is causal conversation (yes I realize that this probably extends into most occupations out there, but I always assumed it would be different here). Let me explain, my job is to help a busy world try to be spiritual while try to remain spiritual myself. If you can't be honest with the guy who is trying to help, in a place set on helping then who can you be honest with and where can you do it?

I don't mind small talk... What I'm not a huge fan of is when you ask someone how they are and then you're slapped in the face with "fine," and if you're lucky you get the cordial "and how are you." (This theoretically isn't an inappropriate response, but when "fine" becomes the mask you wear to make the world think you're making it.) Try it. Ask people how they are doing. You probablly do yourself, a lot, I know I do. You'll get a lot of fines. Not many people are "fine." It doesn't add up.

"There is no room for pretending in the spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule. Pretend. Act like God is in control when you don't believe he is. Give the impression everything is okay in your life when it's not. Pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; maintain the image of a perfect marriage with healthy and well-adjusted children when your family is like any other normal dysfunctional family. And whatever you do, don't admit that you sin."

~ Yaconelli

I say this because I pretend. I pretend everything is all right when it's not. I pretend like I'm strong when I'm weak. I pretend like I've got it together when I'm falling apart. We can't make it in this word pretending. The only way to get better is to open up. To show the word your a mess and hope there is someone out there who can help, and if there isn't at least you tried. I didn't blog for two months because I was pretending. I bottled it up, while tonight I will let it spill out...

"But the truth is, we are all a mess. None of us is who we appear to be. We all have secrets. We all have issues. We all struggle from time to time. No one is perfect. Not one."

~ Yaconelli

(I might regret saying this one day, but for now) be honest. When someone asks you how you are doing, tell them the truth. You might lose a 'friend' or two but they were never really you're friends. Make them regret aking you how you're doing. Start unpretending.