Lesson 1. You Aren't Crazy

"Do not try to determine where you "should" be.

Just allow yourself to be naturally where you are in the process."

-Wolfelt

There was a Matchbox20 song (I know that most of you all out there are huge fans) that came out a couple of years back that's chorus went, "I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell." I have repeated that line in my head so many times in the past several months that one might actually call Matchbox fan... I am continually reminding myself that everything is alright and that I'm not crazy. Honestly its the only way I get through the day most of the time.

I feel so unwell. I can't sleep, then when I finally fall asleep I can't up. My mind wonders, conversations are hard to follow. The emotions that I used to have complete control over rule over me; I find it hard to laugh, cry to much, lack feelings. I have feelings of complete helpless followed but surging anger. My mood is consistent with that of a premenstrual women, look at me the wrong way and prepare for the unexpected. I withdraw, retreat, give up, send up the white flag. I want to alone and then get lonely when I get there. I often times wonder how much people can tell how crazy I feel. If they can see through the masks I put on in the morning.

"You're not crazy, you're grieving. Never forget that your journey through the wilderness of your grief may bring you through all kinds of strange and unfamiliar terrain.... Your experiences may seem so alien that you feel more like you're on the moon! When it seems like you're going crazy, remind yourself to look for the trail marker that assures you you're not going crazy. You're grieving. The two can feel remarkably similar sometimes."

These are a series of lessons derived from "Understanding Your Grief" by Alan Wolfelt. I highly recommend this book to anyone how has experienced a loss or as a gift to someone you know who is grieving.