Lesson 2. Griefbursts

"Grief comes in unexpected surges... mysterious cues that set off a remainder of grief. It comes crashing like a wave, sweeping me in its crest, twisting me inside out... the recedes."

Tony Talbot

Griefbursts - "Sometimes heightened periods of sadness overwhelm us when we're in grief - even years after the death. These times can seem to come out of nowhere and can be frightening and painful. Something as simple as a sound, smell or phrase can bring on what I call "griefbursts"

The world around you probably will never know see the difference, they will never see through that iron facade you have put up. They might recognize that you mood seems to be dampened but he/she has been getting better as of late. They know nothing of the hurt in your eyes, the struggle it is to get out of bed each morning. That protective wall that keeps them at an arms length. But for those closest to us, they have seen the difference, the know the difference, for they have felt the difference with us. Griefbursts are the Achilles Heel for those who are in the process of mourning. When you think you have everyone fooled into you being 'alright' better yet when you have yourself fooled, that's when they hit. You are driving along in your car and that song comes on, you hear the phone and you think it's them, you drive past the restaurant where both of you ate. Greifbursts remind you that you aren't fooling anyone.

Wolfelt describes one father saying, "I was just sailing along feeling pretty good, when out of nowhere came this overwhelming feeling of grief!" Instead of long periods of depression the grieving period for most people consists with people trying maintain a life of normalcy when they encounter random "spasms" of grief. "During a griefburst, you may feel an overwhelming sense of missing the person you loved and find yourself openly crying, or perhaps even sobbing. As one women told me, "I'll be busy for a awhile, and sometimes ever forget he has died. Then I'll see his picture or smell his favorite food, and I'll just feel like I can't even move.""

Its hard to imagine there is light at the end of the tunnel when grief comes upon like this, you feel like you can't go on. You feel bad for trying to continue on with your life but it's important to try not to deny these griefbursts. We can't pretend like they aren't there, or that was the last one. We have to accept griefbursts as past of the healing process. As Wolfelt puts it, "Griefbursts may feel like "crazybursts," but they are normal." Be compassionate with yourself, love yourself, and never stop loving those who have passed from this earth. Go somewhere quiet, cry, scream, sob, talk it out, do whatever necessary. But trying to ignore something so powerful won't help anyone. It's always important that we never give up on ourselves and those around us.